Well have been together 10 years & it accumulated over time & since when met he had bad credit I applied for everything in my name, it's a 50/50 debt. I am affraid to go bankrupt if I leave now, he is not a bad guy, just bad with money, he's making the effort to help pay off now but wasn't at first. Just don't know if I love him like I used to & don't want money to be holding us together??? To those who answerd last time, I hope this is more better info & hope you re-post your new opinions. Thanks allot, xoxo
Money problems in a relationship cause a lot of resentment so I can imagine that you are well and truly sick of it but you also don't want to walk away and end up holding the baby so speak of his debt.
I would suggest that you draw up something in writing that confirms how much he owes and the fact that he acknowledges that the loans or debts in your name were in fact incurred by him or for him and setting down a payment commitment even if its just a small monthly amount. This means that if the relationship does end you can go after him and show that there is acknowledgement by him of the debt.
With regards to getting out of the relationship, if you have heaps of debt it going to be hard to do but you have to decide whether you would rather get out of it and start again or whether you stay with him and risk the pattern continuing and ending up in another 10 years time with 50k debt.
Leaving any relationship after 10 years is going to be difficult, whether you have debts or not unfortunately. The debts just move the focus from the emotional to the practical. On a practical level, I would suggest visiting your Citizen’s Advice Bureau (assuming if you are in such debt you can’t really afford the lay out of solicitors’ costs). However, more importantly, you need to be honest with your partner. It sounds like there is still some genuine affection there, if not the same love you need to feel. If you still respect and care for your other half as I assume he does you, then the only thing you can do is talk to him. I’m not suggesting it’s easy and unfortunately there isn’t a shortcut to this kind of thing. But the sooner the better. If you leave it too long you will find resentment takes the place of any positive feelings you have managed to hold onto until now and once it reaches that stage, there really is little hope of handling the matter with positivity. We all deserve the happy ever after, and if you don’t think yours can be found with this man then for the sake of both of you, you must move on, struggle or no struggle. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Have you ever thought of counciling? It sounds to me as if you are depressed. I bet you have problems with sleep patterns. It is not the end of the world and you are not the only one, by far. I don't know all your circumstances, but i would highly reccomend you both go bankrupt/IVA, and start afresh. You don't know if you love him because your whole life is in such a turmoil with worries. You do love him but don't like the situation. I bet you just feel like runnig away and hiding or locking yourself in a big protective bubble. DO talk to someone TOGETHER and sort it out as soon as possible. You will feel as if a HEAVY weight has been lifted from you.
Oh yea I totally remember this topic - and have wondered how it has been going since you last mentoined it - nice of you to come back Cartman26...
Anyway - i can only understand how frustrating it is as you'd like to leave him..but as you say money is holding you together. Maybe try and get some legal advise? They might be able to write up a form so you both have it stated who lay off what and that it is 50/50...
Dont let the money situation hold you together as it will only make you feel worse about the situation (easier said than done i know)..you need to take fast actions to enable you to feel better and to get on with your life!...
I know it's difficult to think that there is light at end of tunnel but you have got this far but trying to sort it out - your going great so chin up and let us know the lastest!
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