In my humble opinion ,the more modern our world is the more enslaved we become. Media have a strong grip on our lives. They dictate everything on us:what we should eat,how we should look ,dress and behave,etc. We, women are pressured into being Wonder Women. We keep being told that the ideal woman is the one who knows how to juggle work and family responsibilities. We are also told that a good mum is the one who chooses to breastfeed, which implies that bottle feeding is an act of utter selfishness. Even the way we give birth is likely to classify us within a specific category. All these messages we receive everyday make of certain women and I am one of them completely conditioned. I depended on others to know what was right and what wasn't. I was told that a natural birth is what makes a mother complete. So when the day I was due to give birth to my son came, I thought about nothing except that I must not go through a caesarian.It was not the way Mother Nature programmed us to give birth. I accepted pain relief though but not without much guilt. To my horror, one of the nurses told me after a while that labour was not progressing.I panicked but refused to consider the implications of her statement.I made it clear that I would wait and that nothing would draw me to the theatre. The midwives and the obs who were very kind and understanding respected my wish.That was at the very beginning but as time passed by, they started to worry about my baby's welfare who started to show signs of distress. At last, the midwife who was taking care for me pronounced the hideous word:caesarian. I hated her and believed that she only wanted me to have this operation because she herself had three. It seems nonesense now but then it was the only explanation I could give myself. "A complete disgrace", that was what my childbirth would become if I had the C-section. How could I tell my family about it? What would I do about the shame frustration that it would bring about? These questions kept torturing me and at no time did I think of the risk I was taking. twenty-seven hours later, a chief obstetrician came to me and in simple words full of compassion and scientific facts, she explained to me that I had no other option but to have that operation done and as quickly as possible. I agreed at last to be taken to the theatre and all the way I cried. I felt miserable in spite of my husband's support and soothing words. A few minutes later, my son was born . The relief I felt then could by no means lessen the feeling of failure that was overwhelming me. Was it mainly due to the hormones? I can't tell. A few days ago I read an article in the Daily Mail about a midwife who lost her life after a long labour because she didn't have a caesarian at the right time. I told myself that it could have been me. This made me finally know to what extent I had been silly and prejudiced. Being a good mother is more than giving birth naturally or giving birth at all. It is about caring about a baby and giving it the love it needs to thrive and develop. Because of all these standards my brain had been stuffed with, I could have killed my baby or myself. So my advice for those who think like I used to think, and I do hope you are not numerous:" Nobody knows what's good or bad for you, you do"
My husband almost did, when my son was 8 months old toddler. Was going up the stairs with a light alluminium ladder and because I was talking to him (I forgot that men can do only one thing at the time) he nocked off the big mirror from the top of the staircase. Mirror went flying down, I was in the kitchen, heard the bang, run to see what's happening,seen my son on the bottom of the staircase smilling at his daddy who is about to kill him. It was 1 second and sharp bit of the mirror flew by as I picked my son. It's been 5,5 years and I still feal sick. That was the time when I decided to get divorced and found out that most of men are thick and living on different planet. Never think ahead, always think after bad thing happen.
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as far as i am concerned there is no right or wrong way to deliver your baby and if you have to have a c-section then so be it i had to have one on my last baby as i had pre-eclampsia and my son was distressed and even though he was 5 weeks early i did not want to take any chances with him and listened to the advice from the midwife and doctors i trusted them because they knew what was best and it is not as if they do not know what they are doing as they have been qualified for years and they do know what is best for you my son was born weighing 6lb 4oz which was a good weight but he was in special care for 2 weeks as he had to be tube fed but he thrived once he got home and is now just turned 11 and wears a size 8 in a shoe and is just over 5ft tall i think he is going to follow his brothers as they are all over 6ft every time i look at him i am just so glad that i had a good midwife and she knew the dangers and that i took her and the doctors advice nobody really wants a c-section (unless you have a planned one) but if you have to have one there is no need to feel guilty just think what could happen if you dont have one although i can understand what keyboard 1974 went through but she did make the right choice in the end and i am glad she and her son came through it and are both healthy and happy and will probably feel like i do as she watches her son grow bigger and stronger that she did what she had to do and that is all that matters.
Hi keyboard1974, I just wanted to say how much I too feel for you and I am so sorry that you had to go through this terrible experience. I think it is excellent that you are publishing your experience on toluna as this is an excellent way to educate others . So apart from having you beautiful little baby to hold and love you may be helping others to avoid the same dreadful situation you were in, you really have turned things around and got an awful lot of good out of your rotten situation . Also now you know how grateful your family really are to have you and your little child with them and far from feeling let down I am sure they are very proud of you for surviving your ordeal in such a brave way. xx lulu
You had a lousy experience and I fullt understand how you felt as my first cholds birth was similar - after 18 hours he was well and truly stuck and I was not dilating -after 8 hours pushing on a drip i was exhausted- he was 21 days overdue and I asked for a c section as I was terrified that he could suffer damage -he was born by c section healthy & well although his poor head was misshapen from being stuck he had a large ridge across his forhead - I felt a failure and depressed -this lasted a while even though my midwife said I should have been c sectioned before I asked due to his size 9lb 9 & 23 inches long !! he will be 18yrs old next week !! my daughter was born 4 yrs later also by c section as she was also overdue & 9lb 10 & 23 inches long -I THANK GOD FOR MY C SECTION-she had the cord WRAPPED ROUND HER NECK TWICE and this had NOT been seen on the scan - she would have suffered terribly through a so called 'normal' birth & may have had brain damage -the 2nd section was reccommended by my Dr & I was fully awake -it was a lovely and joyful experience with music playing in the op theatre & surgery team making jokes all the time- she is now a happy healthy 13 yr old - when I was in hospital waiting to go home I was asked to talk to a group of mums to be about my experience of a c section, gave them some advice and info on what it was like - they told me that it was reassuring to see someone who had been thru it and was happy & not afraid of the experience as THIS time I did not feel a failure and realised that the health of my baby & me was the most important thing - I hope you go on to have more children - it is you and the child not the way they are born which is the most important thing in the world - I hope you can come to terms with your experience and sharing it with others will definately help you and them - Good Luck !!!
With my 1st child, I was adamant about not having a c-section and that I wanted a home birth. During the last month of my pregancy my blood pressure went through the roof and so I was booked in to be induced. The labour was horrific and long and after 2 hours of pushing I was taken down for a c-section. They took so long standing there my epidural ran out half way through and I could actually feel the pain of where they were stitching my insides back up. I also had allergic reactions to things (although no one ever worked out what from) and really ill afterwards. However I had a healthy, beautiful little girl which was the main thing! During my pregnancy for my 2nd daughter I was told initially that would have to have a c-section as I had previously had one. I concurred that I should have a hospital birth but told all concerned that if my blood pressure was fine then there was no reason to not have a nutural delivery. I remember crying my eyes out at a midwife when she told me that even if I didn't have a c-section they would still want to put a drip in me "just in case". Fortunately I didn't have high blood pressure during my 2nd pregnancy and my consultant said that I could wait until I was 2 weeks over my due date before they would consider a c-section. I went into natural labour about 1 week after my due and, they labour was very quick and after getting to hospital my husband went to move the car, and during this time the baby went into distress, they never got round to putting a drip in me or even reading my notes it all happened so fast. Even though it was so quick, the baby was not coming out very easily so I had a Forceps delivery with episiotomy and the cord was wrapped around the babys neck. It was wonderful to pretty much have a natural birth the 2nd time round but I am incredibly greatful that this time around I was at the hospital because who knows if my baby would have survived otherwise. I had real emotional scars from the 1st birth, but the 2nd one made me see that without the medical intervention being there, neither me nor my baby might have made it.
With my first son I was in slow labour for 3 days and the hospital wouldn't let me go home but also wouldn't do anything to bring on the labour. When I finally insisted on being examined and asked for something to be done as I was in labour and it wasn't facement pains I was moved over to the labour suite. Being young it being my first delivery I listened to the midwife who convinced me that I needed an epidural not fully understanding all the risks and possible issues it could cause. When they broke my waters it confirmed that the monitor was right and that he was in distress. Slowly the room filled with doctors, more midwives - a pediatrician and her nurses. I didn't want stirrups, the head monitor for the baby or an assisted delivery but I got the lot. Extra equipment was brought in and everyone looked concerned but he was too far down to be born via a c-secton. His heart rate dropped to the point of him being still born but thankfully he was OK after they'd brought him round and worked their magic. . . During the whole labour no one told either myself or my partner what was wrong or what was happening but now I know the main problems were not being able to feel the contractions due to the epidural. All I can say keyboard is you have learnt from your experience as I did and by spreading the word hopefully other's won't be too hung up on the 'perfect delivery'.
I must say that i feel for you,i had similiar prejudice thought mine was that i wanted a c-section,i have fybro and arthritis and i knew i could not cope with labour of any length,as my hips would not cope with tha position,i won't go into detail but love life isn't easy with fybro either,i was told by hospitals and doctors and friends and non friends that i shouldn't have a c-section because that isn't how they do things now,you mjust have a natural birth as that's the way it should be,we can give you pain killers but you have to have this and that,i stood my ground knew my own body and insisted on a c-section,my first son was lateral breech and they didn't turn him because of the section,they took forty minutes to get him out and he needed to be in special care for a week with a shadow on the lung,was that worse because of the c - section,i don't know but it might have been easier with a normal birth or not i will never know,my youngest son was made as such and again i decided to have a c-section,this time a different hospital they supported my decision but also said if i wanted to have a natural birth even up to the operation i could change my mind,i did change it quite a few times,they told me i could have a natural birth and still have a c-section during the birth at any time,i changed my mind so many times but i did go with a c-section in the end as i had that infection that is dangerous if you have a natural birth without antibiotics so we diceide with the midwife and doctor to have a c-section and again my son was in a special for a week,he was worse than my first son and needed oxygen straight away and was rushed to special care and was in a week again with breathing difficulties. Was it something i did wrong,would it have happened if i had had a natural birth,i will never know,both of my boys are strong and healthy and have no effects of their birth.I think it goes to show you should read your own body but be prepared to go with the doctors,they aren't perfect but they do have all the machines in the world and are there for you,i think it helps if you have a good relationship with the team,i did for my second birth,i had a blood clot on the lung with my second pregnancy and could have died if we/nurse/doctor hadn't caughut it in time and i was on injections for 5 months twice a but you don't realise how dangerous getting pregnant ,staying pregnant and having the baby is so dangerous,thinking back centuries ago,most women didn't survive their birth so they didn't know everything. II am now stopping as i have gabbled on too much,but my thoughts are with you all the time,email me if you want to talk. bigmamma2@googlemail.com
You've been through a traumatic experience which must have been so dreadful. No matter what you had planned beforehand though - I think your brain goes into it's own "zone" anyway when you are in labour; and lots of women have been known to be very irrational.
Enjoy your little one. I don't think you were silly or prejudiced; it's perfectly natural to have wanted a "natural" birth. In this instance though, it was the caesarian that was the right option for you. (((((HUGS)))))
Your comments are very thought-provoking and moving, thank you for sharing your feelings with the rest of us.
Best wishes for the future for your family. Take care.
What an horrendous experience at what should be one of the most amazing times of your life. Its sad that so many people feel that everyone else round is right and that they need to do what they are told to do but is really common. Take heed of the comment below that you should listen to what everyone tells you, then make your own judgement call on what you want to do regardless of what the situation is and what everyone else says. Real friends and true family should support you regardless of your decisions and regardless of their opinions - they might tell you they disagree but if you love someone you say that then also tell them that you will support them regardless and never say I told you so if it goes wrong. Must say I only have a few friends who are very close for this exact reason, too many think that what they say should be law and judge too quickly.
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